Setting Expectations When Your Adult Child Moves In

The reasons an adult decides to move in with their parents varies.  52% return after college while they seek employment.  Some return in between jobs.  Others after a divorce.  Regardless of the reason, the relationship between parent and child can be stressed if both parties do not set clear expectations regarding the new arrangement.

Adult children often take their parents' support for granted and resume the role of a "child."  They expect their parents to pay for all expenses associated with the living arrangement as well as provide food and clean-up after them.  At the same time, the adult-child may resent the parents attempt to assert rules or restrictions on their behavior.  In their mind, they are an adult and want the freedoms associated with being an adult (without any of the responsibilities).

Parents, in their effort to care and support their child may end up creating a dependence upon their support.  In fact, resent research indicates that 78% of adults between 18 and 33 receive financial support from their parents.  This support continues in many instances until the child is middle-aged.  A recent survey by AARP, concluded that up to 25% of adults between 28 and 39 receive financial support from their parents.

Providing a 'safe-harbor' can be an act of kindness.  However, to prevent misunderstandings and possible resentment it is recommended that both parents and children have a serious discussion regarding the arrangement, including:

1. The agreed reason the child is moving back home.  Is this arrangement is to support the child's job search, reduction in debt, or recovery after a divorce?

2. What are the child's obligations regarding household expenses?  Should the child pay rent? Utilities? Insurance? Food?

3. What are the child's obligations regarding household chores?  Is it expected that the child will help around the house or simply clean-up after themselves?

4. What is the understanding regarding guests - including boyfriends and girlfriends?  When can guests come over? How many? For how long?

5. What behavior is acceptable?  Can the child have someone spend the night? What about sex? Smoking? Drinking? Drugs? Pay preview TV?

6. How long will the child stay?

7. If the child has debt, how can you help them restructure and repay their own debt without paying it for them?

8. How can you preserve your financial health without sacrificing your future for the sake of your child's immediate needs?

9. If you give your child money, cars, etc. is it a gift? or a loan?

10. What are the consequences if either party does not keep their word?